FIGURE IT OUT

Quotes

SUMMER SANDERS

- Here’s what you guys have figured out after two rounds: still nothing. [reading the Answer Board] “BLANK BLANK On BLANK In BLANK.” And over here on the Clue Recap Board: “Has A Tail,” “Not A Cow.” Does that help you guys much?

- I just can't help but laugh. I'm evil that way.

[Amanda is sitting next to Evander Holyfield.]
- Amander… I mean Amanda…

- Okay, we’re starting with you, Amanda, since you look so pretty in that parachute…

Summer: Here’s your next clue, you guys…
[a tape recorder pops up from part of Summer’s podium]
Man on Tape: You have reached the National Association of Forgetful People. Please leave a message after the… uh… [answering machine beeps] Oh, yeah, that’s it.

Jeffrey ‘J’ Dumas: [announcing a prize won by an audience member] It’s the official Figure It Out sweatshirt! Available in “Small,” “Medium,” and “Wow! That’s a big sweatshirt!”

- Danny: Are you in fact the inventor of hair replacement?
- Contestant: No.
- Contestant's Father: [bald] Does it look like it? 

- Summer: Amanda, there’s one second left in the round. Think you can get a question out?
- Amanda: I can try.
- Summer: Ready… go.
- Amanda: [very rapidly] Don’t know!

[A boy and girl are demonstrating their invention, a device that keeps pets off the couch by playing a tape-recorded "get down" message when a motion sensor detects movement on the couch.]
- Girl on Tape: [to dog, demonstrating device] Pepper, get off the couch!
[the dog jumps off the couch]
- Summer: Let’s give them a big hand. You guys were great!
[Summer sits down as she tells the audience to stay tuned]
- Girl on Tape: Summer, get off the couch!

- Summer: Okay, guys, here comes your first clue.
[a man dressed as farmer, wearing crazy-eyes goggles, walks onto stage and hands out giant fake eggs to the panelists]
Summer: Dad, I really have to get you a job.

Summer: We stopped the clock when Steve got slimed.
[she starts laughing as she notices slime is still dripping]
Summer: …and he’s still getting slimed!

LORI BETH DENBERG

- Do you tell time using the angle of your ankles against the sun?

- Do you hang from a pipe by your nose?

- Do you raise champion leopardskin seat covers?

- You were named the best-dressed… Jennifer of them all?

[the Answer Board reads “BLANK Hissing BLANK in BLANK”]
Lori Beth: Do you throw a hissy fit in school?

- Do you put a nun in a bubble? That seems so wrong!

[During Final Guesses]
[the Answer Board currently reads “Junior BLANK Goose Calling Champion”]
Lori Beth: “Junior Open Goose Calling Champion”?

[Lori Beth guesses the puzzle right as the third-clue whistle sounds]
- You can just stay over there, Charade Brigade!!

[Lori Beth guesses the puzzle right as the Charade Brigade is about to come out]
- Take THAT, Charade Brigade!

[the round is about to end and it is Lori Beth's turn]
- Summer: Two seconds left…!
- Lori Beth: How you doin’?

[the Answer Board reads “Sketches BLANK By Turning BLANK”]
Lori Beth: Do you sketch your mom by turning blue?

[Lori Beth doesn’t understand what the Charage Brigade was doing]
[the Answer Board reads “Coached Champion to Spell BLANK BLANK Word”]
Lori Beth: [guessing] “Coached Champion to Spell … Charade-Brigade-Let-Me-Down Word”!

[Lori Beth gets slimed]
- Summer: Do you really want to even know what the Secret Slime Action was?
- Lori Beth: I don’t think I do!
- Summer: Well, it was basically “not wanting to be slimed.” Did you want to get slimed?
- Lori Beth: I really did!
- Summer: Oh, whatever!

- Summer: Okay you guys, here comes your next clue. Listen up.
[sound of bowling ball hitting pins]
- Summer: I think you need something to go with that.
- Lori Beth: If you drop bowling balls on me, I’m going to cry!

KEVIN KOPELOW

[after seeing on the Clue Recap Board, "Hey Everybody! Kevin Is Here"]
- Am I here? Oh, yeah...

- Do you know what you get when you cross a camel and a lima bean?

- Kevin: Becky, do you have any brothers or sisters?
- Contestant: Yes.
- Kevin: Oh. Then you’ve obviously grown the world’s largest cantaloupe?

- Cliffy, are you some sort of mob informant?

- Do you spin beef jerky?

- Does what you do involve a boy named Lisa?

[after a clue is dropped on him]
- Does it have anything to do with pain?

[the end-of-round bell rings]
- Does it have anything to do with a bell?

[to a male contestant]
- Kevin: Do you have a middle name?
- Contestant: Yes.
- Kevin: Is it “Veronica”?

- Kevin: Does what you do involve danger?
- Girl: Yes.
- Kevin: [surprised] It does? … I could tell by looking at you.

- Kevin: Can anybody do this?
- Girl: Yes.
- Kevin: Then why are you here?
[other panelists react]
- Kevin: I was kidding!

[trying to guess the puzzle on the Answer Board]
- “Frozen Food Tossing Freak”?

[two contestants’ names are Jamie and Jeff]
- You know, I was thinking of changing my name to “Jamie and Jeff.”

[during the talent-demonstration portion, two contestants are grinding an organ with a small monkey]
- Kevin: Could you do this with some other animal, like a lion?
- Summer: Might not be quite as effective…

- Kevin: Is what you invented dolphin-safe?
- Contestant: No.
- Kevin: [acting shocked] It’s not?!

- [guessing] "Talks Turkey With Gobbling Monkeys"?

DANNY TAMBERELLI

- [confused by the various clues] Clocks! Ankles! Do you put your hands through your ankles?

- Does it involve playing ping-pong with your eyes?

- Do you squeeze pencil juice?

- Did you shave your pencil?

- Do you stick your whole elbow up your nose?

- Can what you do cause an entire population of Mongolian pygmies to pass out?

- Did you invent and build a model of a male’s tooth decay?

[repeated line]
- [screaming] I DON'T KNOW!

[after hundreds of croutons are dropped on the panel for the next clue]
- Does it have anything to do with getting hit in the head with a crouton?

- Danny: Do you place sick monkeys into institutions?
- Contestant: No. … We made room for you!

- Danny: [asks question]
- Contestant: Not in a million years.

VARIOUS OTHER PANELISTS

- Steve Burns: Are you faster than a hat in water?