September 7, 1997
ON THE TITANIC
Greetings! My name is Robert Raymond. This is my wife, Violet. We=re on the Titanic tonight, on our second honeymoon. We’ve been married about 5 years...let=s see, that would be since 1907. The tickets for this magnificent ship set me back quite a bit, but it is a large one, the Titanic is, and Violet and I intend to get our money’s worth. With the amount of time I’ve spent at work each day lately, this second honeymoon will be just what Violet and I need! Let us show you around the boat.
First let me tell you something, however. This ship was promoted as the largest, safest ship to date. It does seem quite the seaworthy vessel! The builder, Carlisle, used nothing but the best materials to build this ship. Now that I have bored you, let us explore this giant.
Look right there down that hallway, do you see the room at the end? That’s the games area -- the one place people are permitted to gamble. Over there is the… (*poke, poke!*) What is it, Violet? Oh, Violet, don=t fret so! This is supposed to be enjoyable; relax a little and have some fun!
Now, as I was saying, there is -- eh? No, no wine, thank you.
Sorry about the interruptions. At this rate we won=t even see half the ship! Ah, well, I doubt you=d be that interested in all the parts of a ship, anyway! But, as you know...
What in the world was that ominous rumble? *crackle* There went the lights! Violet? Violet! Shhh! Stop screaming! Nothing=s wrong, I=m sure! Oh, Violet, don=t be...oh, wait! Somebody=s talking! Listen! Hold on, I want to hear what he has to say.
ALadies and gentlemen, we apologize that tonight, we are experiencing some minor problems...you see, we’ve hit an iceberg, and there=s some leaks, so if I were you I=d be prepared in case we need to abandon the ship. All people who don=t get pneumonia and die will have your money refunded. However, we do not expect the damage to be extensive, so in the meantime, don=t panic!”
I say, these people really ought to have their facts straight before they go about upsetting the passengers!
I don’t believe this! The room is rapidly filling with water...there must have been more damage than they thought!
(Oh, boy. Violet’s new dress isn’t even paid for yet…)
Wait, that man is speaking again! AOK, now you can panic!@ Just dandy…
Now people are running around, bopping each other on the head and shoving one another, hurrying for the escape areas to the lifeboats. And, yes, Violet and I are doing the same! We’d better hurry, dear, those rafts have only so many seats!
Thankfully, Violet and I managed to get onto one of the lifeboats despite others trying to keep us from doing so. People are panicked and fighting for a space on the small boats. Some second honeymoon this is turning out to be! Violet and I have wet feet and are bitterly cold. Who ever thought one could get freezer burn?
Well, it=s 3:15 in the morning and finally a boat has spotted our little dinghy. Some people, tragically, died while waiting to be rescued, and we=re not feeling so great either...I can hardly feel my fingers anymore and Violet is quite pale. Thankfully, though, we’ll get treatment at the hospital. But despite the fact that we were saved, many weren’t as fortunate, which I wish were not so.
Well, it=s been two weeks since the big ship sank, and people have been hurling accusations and counteraccusations at each other. Reports have numbers on the survivors and the ones who died. The survivor numbers are anywhere from 711 to 866. The number of lives lost has ranged from 400 to 1250. Don=t get me wrong though! I probably should have gone into more detail about the sinking part, but it was one ugly scene, so you=re not missing anything you couldn’t have gone without hearing.
Well, I guess you could say that we=re lucky. If we got into this much trouble on an “unsinkable” ship, just imagine what it would have been like on one that wasn’t!