Hospital Stay

How’d I wind up hospitalized? It was time to do the taxes, pay old Uncle Sam
Shortly thereafter, I found myself getting a medical exam!
Just what happened? I willingly pay taxes; don’t think me Scrooge or
           Ebenezer
But one look at the total due and bam! I was unconscious; perhaps I had a
           seizure

The IRS later apologized, claimed computer error, said “Our mistake we
           regret”

Sure is a relief to be told you just owe your taxes, not the whole national
           debt!

Turns out I have a SSN or tax ID or something just one digit from Bill
           Gates’
So that’s why I got billed for 87 million, give or take a dollar ninety-eight!

The nurse and doc are gone as quickly as they come;
I’m left to ponder insurance premiums while I gaze at the sky, between the
           window frames
Someone realizes that maybe I’m bored enough to watch the television…
There’s not much on, though; I move past Discovery Health and surgeries
           and incisions!
No, I don’t want education channels! I don’t want to learn square roots,
           algebra or long division!
I skip right past the kids’ shows, cartoons and other based-on-comics
And I could care even less about macroeconomics!

Maybe I’ll watch the televangelists; I think it’s funny that they try so hard
To convince us the Bible contains the line “cash, check or credit card”!
Maybe I’ll tune to the Weather Network, best thing I’ve found so far
Guess I’ll content myself to learn about jet streams, thunderstorms and
           those things called isobars!

There is nothing on the radio; all the music’s out-of-fashion
I really dislike it all! Boy, I hate it with a passion!
Listen to that pianist play from sun to moon, day to night and dawn ‘til dusk.
It’s enough to make most elephants take back their tusks!
Music’s so loud it resonates through the eardrums, reverberates down to the
           throat
The sound drowns out steel factories and airplane takeoffs with atomic bass
           notes!
Boy, turn off the TV, radio, CD player, even the old cassette deck!
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, my foot… all the music I tuned to… is in the key of BLECH!

Before I drift off back to dreams of vacations aboard oceanliners,
I’d really like to request bringing in the interior designers!
I’m not a fan of twenty-three shades of off-white…
Nor the roughly four hundred watts of blazing fluorescent light!
I complained about everything, the bed, décor, the heating pad
I even griped about those ugly curtains. What a shade of plaid!
Can’t we pick out some nicer things, a different fabric swath…
Look at the curtains! Who shot the tablecloth?!

I’ve been in the hospital much too long now! It’s driving me insane!
I don’t like the same old food to eat. How about quiche lorraine?
Sure, the nurse comes in to help me eat; she’s armed with that spoon
Then she says, so cheerily, “Blood sample!” and comes at me with not needles
           but harpoons!

Eventually I got out of the hospital, came home to the IRS’ bills and faxes
This time claiming to be the correct amount owed in taxes.
I looked at the revised number, and to the doctors got sent right back.
The numbers I was sent were enough to provoke a heart attack!
It’d been an error once again, IRS said; I could relax the muscles in my face
Looks like the Department of Internal Revenue forgot the decimal place.

The doctor told me, when I returned for a check-up, “Time to pay your bill.”
Nevermind the fact that the very thought left me feeling ill.
He explained in laughing, “Watch out for the cost; you may take out loans!”
I didn’t find it humorous. “Apparently,” he said, “We removed your funny
           bone!”
All these things were just enough to make one really cringe.
The nurse from earlier came back for one last blood test—one last syringe.
Well, before I left, I got drowned in a sea of paperwork—boy, what a flood!
Turns out the doctor’s like the government… they both want my blood!
And I have no more energy; it is quite all spent.
Just where is my get-up-and-go? It got up and went!