LACO Black-and-White Television

VERY LIMITED WARRANTY

LACO promises that your beautiful new TV was made by people who know what they are doing and that said people did not use defective materials (at least not knowingly). If a defect appears anyway, we’ll fix it. This does not include any problems you may have caused it, such as improper installation, throwing it at squirrels, using it for catapult testing, etc. If you did install it correctly and use it normally, you may have it fixed for up to a year after you bought it.
 

LACO will provide parts and service, free of charge, for the first 90 days of this warranty. You will be paying a service charge totaling nine bucks for the rest of the warranty, though there won’t be any charge for parts, because we’re nice like that. Remember, you only get the above parts for free if certain conditions are met:

-       Your set has not been dropped, abused (physically or verbally), mocked or otherwise teased, damaged, set aflame, handicapped, arrested or had limburger cheese jammed into the various little slots full of expensive gadgets.

-       If you took it to someone other than an official LACO Service Center representative (e.g., Bob’s Bargain Basement Repairs), said business did not damage (defined as “touch”) anything.

-       If you don’t deliver your set to us in person, you pay for the shipping (and will not ship your TV by Neglected Class parcel).

By the way, we don’t fix antennae, power cords and other accessories. Nor do we do broken cabinets or anything you broke in ways not specified above. So don't bother asking. Did that sound snippy? Sorry, we're having a long day.

This warranty is in lieu of all other expressed warranties. No representative, or anyone else for that matter, is allowed to (or would bother to) take legal responsibility regarding the product you bought from us.
 

If you do send in your television to be fixed, and we don’t see it come with both the original packing and sales receipt, then we’re not fixing a darn thing. We need that receipt to see that you are within the 90-day limit for free repairs (or else you have to pay the $9). Why? Because everyone could be sending us their grandmother’s 25-year-old, spider-infested dinosaur of a set, and quite frankly we don’t have the time or money to fix those decrepit old things for free.
 

On second thought, you are welcome to send us your TV set even if the warranty has been expired for so long that moths ate it. You don’t have to send us the sales slip, either. Try it, though, and it’ll cost you an arm and a leg (includes labor, cost of parts and transportation).

Thanks to this warranty, you have specific (but not many) legal rights. You also have others, which vary from state to state. Not responsible for paper cuts or other injuries caused by misusing this warranty. All rights reserved, void where prohibited, et cetera, blah blah does anyone even read this stuff why do we even bother writing it HI MOM. Original irritating soundtrack as heard in LACO stores is available on elevator P.A. systems nationwide. This warranty is void, invalid, worthless and basically not worth holding on to.