When Good Teachers Go Strange
Some of the more amusing things I've heard over the years

Benedictine University Instructors

Dennis Doyle
(In appreciation of your flawless style, you get a page of your own.)

Steve Schroeder
(You had many so many one-liners, you get your own page as well.)

Marco Benassi
Lucille: (a student) There's nothing narrow-minded about this class.
Marco Benassi: Yeah, well, wait 'til you see your grade. [laughs]

Amy: (a student) I'm doing a monologue called (reads title) from the
collection For Women: Monologues They Haven't Heard.
Marco: You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that one.

Dan Clampitt
- "U.S. News & World Distort"

Hans Klemmer
[talking about how a photographic print turned out]
Student: Did the fix not get on the edges enough?
Hans Klemmer: Maybe. The fix was probably a little tired.
Student: It wasn't the only one.

[talking about a wallpaper pattern]
Girl: It's in our bathroom. The wallpaper is yellow, the toilet is green…
Hans: You ought to clean it more often!
Girl: No, it's that icky olive-green-colored paint.

Frank Tourangeau
(about to give an extra-credit question on a quiz)
- Here's your super-extra-credit question…
(gets interrupted by a cell phone ringing)
- (continuing) "Who's calling?"

Lisa Tufo (Wheaton North H.S.)
- "Tufo's Wonders"
(her nickname for her class)

(written at the end of some long instructions for an assignment)
- "You are now DONE. Yeah for you!"

Mike Wimpelberg (Wheaton North H.S.)
[talking about another teacher, Mrs. Ryan]
- She's on steroids.

[talking about Mr. Beck, the head librarian]
- He's very intelligent. He could probably build a bomb and blow up
your car if he wanted to. But he wouldn't do that; he's a nice guy.

[talking about men and masculinity]
- If one man says to another, "I like your sweater," it means
"I'm sorry." If the second guy says, "Thanks," it means "I accept."

[talking about building trust while one's kids are young]
- Give the kid "koochie-koochies."

[when a fly keeps landing on his pen]
- I've got flies in my pen!

- One student thought he was going to be funny, so he wrote on the cover
of his report, "Mr. Wimpy-berg. Ha ha." So I wrote back, "F. Ha ha."
I didn't really give him an F. But he never tried that again!

- Don't be a pansy.

- (repeated line) Take it to Walgreen's!