When Good Teachers Go Strange
Some of the more amusing things I've heard over the years
Benedictine University Instructors
(In appreciation of your flawless style, you get a page of your own.)
(You had many so many one-liners, you get your own page as well.)
Lucille: (a student) There's nothing narrow-minded about this class.
Marco Benassi: Yeah, well, wait 'til you see your grade. [laughs]
Amy: (a student) I'm doing a monologue called (reads title) from the
collection For Women: Monologues They Haven't Heard.
Marco: You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that one.
- "U.S. News & World Distort"
[talking about how a photographic print turned out]
Student: Did the fix not get on the edges enough?
Hans Klemmer: Maybe. The fix was probably a little tired.
Student: It wasn't the only one.
[talking about a wallpaper pattern]
Girl: It's in our bathroom. The wallpaper is yellow, the toilet is green…
Hans: You ought to clean it more often!
Girl: No, it's that icky olive-green-colored paint.
(about to give an extra-credit question on a quiz)
- Here's your super-extra-credit question…
(gets interrupted by a cell phone ringing)
- (continuing) "Who's calling?"
Lisa Tufo (Wheaton North H.S.)
- "Tufo's Wonders"
(her nickname for her class)
(written at the end of some long instructions for an assignment)
- "You are now DONE. Yeah for you!"
Mike Wimpelberg (Wheaton North H.S.)
[talking about another teacher, Mrs. Ryan]
- She's on steroids.
[talking about Mr. Beck, the head librarian]
- He's very intelligent. He could probably build a bomb and blow up
your car if he wanted to. But he wouldn't do that; he's a nice guy.
[talking about men and masculinity]
- If one man says to another, "I like your sweater," it means
"I'm sorry." If the second guy says, "Thanks," it means "I accept."
[talking about building trust while one's kids are young]
- Give the kid "koochie-koochies."
[when a fly keeps landing on his pen]
- I've got flies in my pen!
- One student thought he was going to be funny, so he wrote on the cover
of his report, "Mr. Wimpy-berg. Ha ha." So I wrote back, "F. Ha ha."
I didn't really give him an F. But he never tried that again!
- Don't be a pansy.
- (repeated line) Take it to Walgreen's!